Our core congruence challenge

How to achieve anything you want to achieve and more.


4 minute read

Our core congruence challenge

Existential misalignment

People are predictably irrational.

It means that their Be - Do - Have levels of existence are not completely aligned.

In some people, this misalignment may be very high.

We see those people as ‘mad’.

They say one thing, but do opposite to what they say.

We find it near impossible, if not completely impossible to trust them.

And, as people, we seem to put a huge emphasis on being able to trust other people.

Trust seems to be the hidden ‘glue’ of our society.

Whether that’s right or wrong, I leave to the readers to decide on.

It just is.

How incongruent are we?

Most of us are at least a little bit incongruent.

What we say we will do is at least a little bit misaligned with what we end up doing and having.

Let’s put it into rudimental quantified terms.

If we say we will do 10 things and we end up doing 8, we are exhibiting 20% incongruence.

Let’s call this the incongruence coefficient.

Depending on how well you track this, it may be as high as 80% and above in some people.

They intend to do so many things, but only deliver on 20% of what they said.

Sometimes, people also say they will do 10 things, but end up doing 2 things which they didn’t say they would do.

In those cases this high incongruence coefficient leads to major fights between people.

It will create tons of confusion.

Incongruence of Be, Do and Have

Why are we incongruent?

This incongruence may arise for many reasons.

Some of those reasons may be:

  • Lack of self awareness (AKA consciousness)
  • Lack of awareness of external factors at play
  • Lack of experience of how things work in real world
  • Misalignment of our personal desires with desires of the society
  • Psychological disassociation in time-space continuum
  • Lack of awareness that other people have high incongruence coefficients

I believe that there is somewhat of a a profound real-eyesation within this text.

It is that it may well be that our ‘Be self’ is living in a completely different reality to our ‘Do self’.

This can create serious psychological discrepancies in people’s behaviours.

It explains why so many people talk about great things, but do very little practical ‘on the ground’ stuff.

Their mind is living in a different time-space realm to their body.

Most of us have a tendency to ‘outline’ so much, but do very little.

It’s a fantastic thing to observe with people across all spectrums of existence.

It leads to major misunderstandings and quarrels between people.

Can we achieve congruence?


Many people do this and focus on keeping it in place.

Many spiritual traditions talk about congruence in their own terms.

Yogis talk about chakra alignment leading to rise of Kundalini energy.

Christians strive towards the Chris consciousness of unification man with God.

Islam is about submitting to God to receive the power of God into one’s being.

So all these traditions are talking about one same thing.


But we seem to confused it all.

In simple terms, congruence is about Being, Doing and Having that what we thought about.

If I say: ‘I will write an article this lunch break.’ the idea is to write it and so have an article at the end of the lunch break.

If I don’t do it, I will feel like I lied to myself.


Because I did lie to myself!

And more we lie to ourselves, more incongruent we are with the nature of our existence.

And more we ‘run away’ from that Christ consciousness, Kundalini or God power.

Expectation gap

By stating many things that come to our mind as intentions (in tensions) we set expectations onto our doing and having realms.

By the mind saying ‘I want a Ferrari’, we put the onus (i.e. duty) on our body to do stuff to have that Ferrari.

But our mind may well not be self-aware that the Ferrari might not make us happy in the first place.

So, in this kind of a scenario, we are burdening ourselves with tons of unnecessary duties that will make us even more miserable in future.

By setting expectations, we are setting ourselves up for misery.

Expectation is so close to misery that we may as well equate expectation with misery.

To quote from an amazing book ‘The Ultimate Secrets of Total Self Confidence’:

‘Most of our troubles arise from expectations, which have not become realities. Most of our disappointments come from our mistaken ideal of how we think the world should be, and what we think we “should,” or “ought” to do, be or have. This is known as resisting reality.’

Unification and integration

So the key to our personal happiness comes from achieving congruence between our Be, Do and Have realms.

Through knowing ourselves better, we can come into greater understanding and overstanding of the ‘nature of our nature’.

We have got to ‘get back to our nature’ to know what will make us happy.

Once we are back in our natural self, we can then cast the true intensions for our future.

Intensions which we can immediately let go of.

Then our body will follow our intensions and deliver (Do) them to have them.

This process requires unification and integration of our mind and body for it to start yielding real results.

Once we achieve (near) congruence, we will be in the natural state of flow.

Some traditions call this flow state Wu-Wei.

It powers us to deliver on those things we want.

Once we are in a constant congruent state, we start to surprise ourselves with how much we can do.

In that state of surprise resides the true experience of a delightful life.

A life which we all seems to be striving towards living and having.

Published on: 21 Jun 2017

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